Re: Pass Locos

[steam4me@enternet.com.au (Yuri J Sos)]

rwilke@but.i.dont.like.spam.com.au (Roy Wilke) wrote:

>Going a bit off course, this reminds me of the story (probably
>apocryphal) of a Bush Pilots' DC-3 pilot who wrote "Left Engine
>Missing" (meaning, of course, that one of the pistons was misfiring)
>in the maintenance release on return to Cairns.

Staying well off course,  the full USAF "pilot's problem
reports/engineer's solution report" are currently doing the "Internet
rounds" and are reproduced below for a little light entertainment.

Regards

Yuri

========

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement." 
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem:  "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough." 
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem:  "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid." 
Solution: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."

Problem: "#1, #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage." 
Solution: "Signed off: "THEY DO NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit." 
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud." 
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield." 
Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative." 
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick." 
Solution: "That's what they're there for."

Problem: "Number three engine missing." 
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

==========