Passengers say the darndest things!

["Matthew Smith" <matticue@corplink.com.au>]

Sounds like a show Bill Cosby could host. I was a relief porter for the
first 8 years in the Railways and I was subject to some of the craziest
questions from passengers. I always said I would get a tape recorder to play
the dumb questions back to the offending passenger but this never happened.
Below are some of the questions I heard during my time on the platform. Some
you will have heard a thousand times but are true nonetheless. Here we go :-

Lady looks at destination board on train arriving at Zillmere then asks me "
Does this train go to Darra like it says it does?"

Lady standing on platform 3 at Central looking at indicator board which
displays "Shorncliffe all stations". As the train arrives (bearing a
"Shorncliffe" dest board) she listens as the PA blurbs "Shorncliffe train
platform 3, this train stops all stations to Shorncliffe" (repeated several
times). No prizes for guessing what she asked me.

Then there's the oldest one in the book..... "How long is the next train to
(wherever)?". Don't they get annoyed when you answer honestly by say "6
cars".

At Murarrie, a lady came to the ticket window and requested a "return to
Town". She then asked me "Do you go to town?". How do respond to a question
like that?.

Another oldie but a goody (and, yes, I was asked this several times)...
"What time is the 4.07 train to Petrie due?". Ummmm....... 4.07??

Again at Central "Does this platform go to Ipswich?". (Hmmm, a platform with
wheels??).

Shorncliffe is the end of the line and only has one platform. Of course, it
had to happen..... "What platform will the train to town leave from? to
which I replied "Miss, there is only one platform here" . She replied "Yes I
know, but there might be another one I can't see".

I can definitely see a pattern forming here!!

In this scenario, there was a total closure between Redbank and Ipswich.
Buses were running in lieu. A heavy advertising campaign ensured passengers
were kept informed of the expected delays. We were prepared for many
questions and lots of abuse but nothing prepared me for this. I was actually
standing at the bus stop when this happened:-
" Excuse me sir, I'm going in to Brisbane and I've been told I have to catch
a bus to Redbank because the trains are not running. Is that correct?".
"Yes, that's right. The bus will take you to Redbank where you board the
train for the city".
"Do I have to pay the bus driver for a ticket?".
"No. madam, your fare is cover by your train ticket".
"Thank you very much. Do I have time to get a drink from the shop?".
"Certainly, you have 15 minutes before the bus leaves".
"Thank you", starts walking away, stops, turns around and calls out to me
"By the way, which PLATFORM will the bus leave from?".

If I think of any more (and I'm sure there are plenty) I'll post them later.
I invite other people to comment on the weird things people say. You do not
have to be a railway employee but it would help to know what you do for a
living.

Regards

Matt Smith
Brisbane, Queensland
matticue@corplink.com.au

You can't slam a revolving door.