MELB: Ticket Inspectors

[Andrew B <andrew_b@optusnet.com.au>]

Recently my car is out of action due to an accident, I have been taking
public transport to and from work.

Every time, without fail, I have been greeted by on-board ticket
inspectors both going to work and going home.

Except for this one time, I have produced a valid ticket. An interesting
situation evolved the other night: I was travelling home with my
supervisor from work, who also happens to be a mate.

I  tried to purchase a ticket from Nunawading using a $5 note. The
machine appeared to be working, but would not accept any notes. I only
had $2.15 in coins, insufficient to buy the required ticket.   I tried
several times before giving up.

At Box Hill ticket inspectors boarded the train, working their way up to
the front carriage where we were.

Inspector: Where's your ticket?

Me: I was unable to purchase one because..

Inspector: We'll have to fine you then.

Me: I think you should hear me o...

Inspector: No excuses any more, I don't care if you are blind, deaf,
disabled, dead, stupid, smart, white, black, green, pink or blue, I
don't take excuses.

Me: Umm... I have a good reason.

Inspector: Whatever... have you got some ID?

Me: Yes, but you aren't getting it.

Inspector: You realise I can arrest you for refusing ID?

Me: You realise I will sue you for wrongful arrest?

Inspector: If you are going to be smart, I'll take you in right now.

Me: (getting very annoyed by this stage)  Will do you me one thing? Will
you please hear me out first?

Inspector: Yeah, why not... this should be good.

Me: Thank you. I tried to buy a ticket at Nunawading on Platform 1. The
machine would not accept my $5 note. I didn't have enough coins to buy a
ticket.

Inspector: THe system has been around for 3 years now. YOu should know
you should have to carry coins. Where's your ID?

Me: (ready to belt this guy)  Why the hell should I have to carry coins
on me because you blokes can't run a decent system?  It was your fault
that the machine was faulty, not mine.

Inspector: It's no excuse. You know that not all stations accepts notes.

Me: (about to hit him): I'll explain it very clearly for you. There are
3 machines on Platform 1. 1 big one, 2 small ones. The small ones accept
coins only, the big ones accept notes and coins. I tried the big one, it
wouldn't accept my note. You have a video camera on those machines, you
have a videotape of me trying to pay for the ticket. You have a video of
me trying 3 times.

Inspector: <pause> Stay put. (rudely)

Inspector whips out mobile phone and makes a call.   Comes back to me.

Inspector: Thank you for reporting a faulty machine.  (walks off).


Needless to say, I'm going to lodge a written complaint against this
person. Apart from the fact that he was extremely rude, I didn't receive
an apology or get a fair chance to explain my situation.

My faith in privitisation is rapidly going down the crapper.


Andy