Re: Slightly O/T. Found in aus.jokes

[Adam <adamdunning@start.com.au>]

Ah yes, the way private enterprise thinks of the general public in
transport...

In article <5av66.51311$xW4.410984@news-server.bigpond.net.au>,
  "Sam Eades" <seades@bigpond.net.au> wrote:
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Mr FBI <mr-fbi-subscribe@egroups.com>
> Newsgroups:
>
alt.humor,alt.jokes,alt.tasteless.humor,alt.tasteless.jokes,aus.jokes,eu
net.
> jokes,rec.humor
> Sent: Monday, January 08, 2001 9:20 AM
> Subject: London Underground
>
> > The following announcements were all heard on various London
> > Underground railway stations.
> >
> > Heard at Earl's Court:
> > "The train at platform three is not going to Parsons Green but to
> > Richmond.  The train approaching platform two is also not going to
> > Parsons Green but to Ealing Broadway. These trains are not going
> > to Parsons Green despite what the signal men think."
> >
> > On the Northern Line:
> > "Beggars are operating on this train, please do NOT encourage these
> > professional beggars, if you have any spare change, please give it
to
> > a registered charity, failing that, give it to me."
> >
> > On the Piccadilly Line:
> > "To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the
second
> > carriage, what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you
understand?"
> >
> > At Leyton station (where a train was stationary despite a green
light):
> > "Sorry for the delay ladies and gentlemen but there is a queue of
trains
> > ahead of us so I have decided to wait here, because I'm sure you
don't
> > want to sit in a tunnel getting hot and sweaty."
> >
> > On the Central line:
> > "Next time, you might find it easier to wait until the doors are
open
> > before trying to get on the train."
> >
> > At King's Cross:
> > "This train is completely broken, it isn't going anywhere."
> >
> > On the Victoria line:
> > "This is Brixton, err, no, it's Victoria!"
> > "This is like that TV advert, I hope the person next to you is
wearing
> > a good deodorant!"
> > "Have a very relaxing weekend. Hope to see you all again Monday
> > morning!"
> >
> > At Camden town station (on a crowded Saturday afternoon):
> > 'Please let the passengers off the train first...
> > Please let the passengers off the train first...
> > Please let the passengers off the train first...
> > Let the passengers off the train FIRST!...
> > Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care, I'm
> > going home.'
> >
> > At Moorgate (after a 20-minute delay):
> > "I apologise for the delay but the computer controlling the
signalling
> > at Aldgate and Whitechapel has the Monday Morning Blues."
> >
> > At West Hampstead:
> > "We can't move off because some c*** has their f***ing hand stuck in
> > the door!"
> >
> > At Mill Hill East:
> > "Hello this is [xxx] speaking, I am the captain of your train, and
we will
> > be departing shortly, we will be cruising at an altitude of
> > approximately zero feet, and our scheduled arrival time in Morden
> > is 3:15pm. The temperature in Morden is approximately 15 degrees
> > celsius, and Morden is in the same time zone as Mill Hill east, so
> > there's no need to adjust your watches."
> >
> > On a delayed train at Epping (when the driver had a chat
> > with a colleague unaware that he'd left the tannoy on):
> > "Bollocks to the lot of them, I don't care if they don't make it to
> > work."
>
> --
> Sam Eades
> seades@bigpond.net.au
>
>


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