Act 1 Scene 1
Go to my local railway station to catch a train to the city to meet my
wife
Announcement : "Due to a signal failure, no trains are currently
running"
Wait 5 minutes - another announcement "Go out to the street
(appropriate directions given) - buses replace trains"
Station empties into the street
(the station is an island platform with up/down lines running either
side; suburban streets run parallel each side - buses will deaprt in
opposite directions from each side of the station)
While standing in the street, what appears? ...... a city bound train,
stops at station, doors open, ppl get off, some ppl (slow to leave
station in the first place) get on. Shout from the street "Hold that
train!!!!" as ppl run to get back on the platform. Hold that train??
Not on your bloody life - before anyone has time to get back on the
platform, doors close and train departs for the city
Much mumble. mumble, grumble, mumble
Station assistant makes phone call - "No. Sorry. That's the last
train, no more, go back and wait for your buses"
Station empties again
Waiting on the street 5-10 minutes; a cry from the station assistant
"Come back. all is forgiven, I've been told the trains are now
running"
Back onto the platform; about 4-5 mins and train arrives .... "All
stations to Central ... etc"
(Note: my station is about 8 stops from Central)
Train goes one station and stops (normally); BUT ..... another
annoucement (on board this time) "This train does not stop until
Central, If you want an internediate station, get off here and catch
the train behind" (or words to that effect, anyway) AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH
.. luckily I wanted to go to Central, but there were many others who
didn't and therefore had to get off and wait for the train behind.
End of Scene 1
Act 1 Scene 2
Train arrives at Central..... announcement "The train on platform 20
will depart in 2 minutes"; doors instantaneously and immediately close
and train moves off into the Underground. Chuckle to self.
End of Scene 2
Act 2 Scene 1
Meet my wife in the city and proceed to an Underground station to
catch the train to the Royal Easter Show.
Indicator board on platform indicates next train travels via Olympic
Park (that's the new station for the Showground/Olympic complex)
Get on next train, looking out window as train pulls into next
station; thinks: "Hey, I don't think the Olympic Park station
indicated light was illuminated". Look puzzled and wait till next stop
to check.
Sure enough, the train was going to bypass Olympic Park loop
Get off train at Central, follow signs which direct to Showground
trains (to Platform 19)
Standing on platform 19, another announcement "The 5.58(pm) train to
Olympic Park blah blah blah depart from platform 22"
Down the stairs, across to platform 22, up the stairs
Further announcements confirm that this is correct .... until : "The
5.58 to Olympic Park will depart at 6.03"
(Now, this 5 minute delay pales into insignificance compared with the
drama so far, don't it, eh?)
End of Scene 1
Interval at Royal Easter Show
Act 3 Scene 1 (off topic, bu nevertheless all part of this
interminable saga)
There is a direct bus service home from Olympic Park, so no need to
bother with trains)
Get on bus, about 5 minutes out and kids mess about with stop cord, so
driver turns it off.
Passed the first stop (no-one appears to want to get off), passed the
second stop (no-one appears to want to get off), approaching the third
stop - which requires the bus to deviate slightly from the main road -
no-one pulls the cord but the bus turns off to let (unknown)
passengers alight
(A reasonable assumption at this point would be that this is a
designated-stop bus service and signal intention to alight is not
required. Good, because my intended destination is one of the
"assumed" designated stops - the next one in actual fact)
Designated stop? Not on your bloody life, sail straight on past the
next stop headed for .......
Challenge driver "where are you going to stop"
"Oh, I wasn't. No-one pulled the cord and I looked back and no-one
looked like they wanted to get off so I kept on going"
AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!