[Humour] Bell Codes

[dbromage@fang.omni.com.au (David Bromage)]

[Received by email. Original source unknown.]

USE OF BLOCK INDICATORS AND BELLS 

These must be used exclusively for the purposes shown herein and must not
under any circumstances be used for conversing. They must only be used by
the Signalman or other person specially appointed for the duty.

The movements on the block indicators must be made carefully, and the
beats on the bells must be made slowly and distinctly, the pauses between
the sets of beats being clearly marked.

To be used only where authorised and definitely not without the approval
of the District Operating Superintendent or Senior Operating Officer of
the Household. Children under the age of 30 are strictly prohibited from
operating the Block Bells.

These bell signals are supplementary to, but not in the order of, the
Regulations to which they otherwise would refer and Signalmen must make up
their own minds, with reference to the circumstances prevailing, when they
should be properly used. Note: The use of a split infinitive in the
preceding sentence is intentional and is included herein with the express
permission of the Railway Clearing House.

                           BELL SIGNALS

Description                                  Bell Code

Front door bell                              1
Rent collector                               Several beats in rapid succession
Dad coming through front door                1-2-1

Is line clear for:-
Favourite to win the 2.30 at Randwick        4-4-4
Dad's new car                                4
Rigid bus                                    4-2
Articulated bus                              3-1-2
Empty bus                                    2-2-1-2
Bicycle                                      2-3
Bicycle - tandem                             2-3-2
Mum's car                                    3-1
Mum's car with brakes not working            3-2
Oldest son's car, failed green slip          1-4
Dad's wheelbarrow                            1-3
Lawn mower - two stroke                      1-3-2
Lawn mower - four stroke                     1-3-4
Supermarket trolley                          1-3-1
Empty pram                                   2-2-1
Postie on bicycle                            3-1-1
Postie on motor cycle                        3-2-1
Milkman                                      4-1    (no longer used)
Council tree lopping truck                   1-2-5
Going to pub                                 3-3-2
Car towing caravan or trailer                1-1-3
Two people passing on narrow stairway        2-6-1
Clear run to bathroom                        1-6-2

                               
Other Bell Codes including Emergency Signals:Ñ
Car out of petrol                            6-2
Lost keys                                    6-3
Not going to pub                             8
Not going out on cold night                  3-2-3
Mother-in-law coming to visit                3-5-5
Mother-in-law offering to baby-sit           3-3-5
Reversing car out narrow driveway            3-3-4
Wrong telephone number                       2-3-3
Police checking on car ownership             5-3
Police shouting re above                     9
Being chase by police                        4-5-5
Driving wrong direction on one way street    2-5-5
Keys out of pocket                           5-2
Keys back in pocket                          2-5
Opening garage door                          5-5-5
Closing garage door                          7-5-5
Closing electrically operated garage door    5-5-7
Closing driveway gates                       5-2
Football team lost match                     16
Cat taking up space in front of fire         7
Cat moved from in front of fire              2-1
Bad eyesight                                 8-2
Check tyre pressure                          7-1
Front porch light on                         2-8
Parking car on street                        3-3
Dial 000                                     1-1-6
Telemarketer called during dinner            1-1
Permissive working - daugher going out       2-4-2
Permissive working - boyfriend arriving      4-3